i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize