yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
