How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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