please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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