You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
