My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
do nipples grow back?
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