NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
