Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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