i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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