At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
