Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
