Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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