and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
