i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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