We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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