Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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