kristin has been a bad kristin
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
