dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
