my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You made out with two different species that night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
