so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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