What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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