Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
one two three fourrrrnication!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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