I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
