he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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