is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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