I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
