Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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