I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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