Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
