Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
