When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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