If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
