I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
