I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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