He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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