Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
this hospital has no fireball
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
