pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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