That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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