Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
