i jhust puked up my retainher.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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