I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He shit in the fireplace
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
