Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
bring money and cleavage
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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