I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
