Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
