I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize