I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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