so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
PANTIES FOUND
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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