I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he high fived his dick after we had sex
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
