She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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