lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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