You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
