Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ttyl tear gas
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
