the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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