Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
