Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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