just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
