Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just had sex bonerless
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
