Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
