In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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