Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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