I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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