Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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