i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
