I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
