Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
