I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
