she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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