so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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