Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
