i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Shame - the story of my life.
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