I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
