thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
