:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
