Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
