I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize