Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
