if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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