At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
