i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
