I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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