It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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