Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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