I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
