Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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