He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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