So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize