I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
