Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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