just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
